Grieving is a tough thing when you lose someone in the finality of it but it’s also tough when you have someone who is still alive, yet no longer in your life. Have you dealt with this? It can happen in many relationships whether romantic, friendships, neighbors, or even family members.
It hurts when you realize you are not as important to someone as you thought you were. The sadness is consuming and manifests itself at strange times. You will soon realize that life is peppered with reminders of that person. You hear a joke or make a new recipe with that person’s favorite foods and your first instinct will be “So and So will love this!”, and then you quickly remember that you are no longer speaking. Cleaning out your closet you will find a scarf or other item that person bought you for one of those holidays or just because moments, as you always knew what the other loved, and for a second, you will be overcome with a sense of loss.
Got some good news to share? A secret to spill? An inside joke that you’re dying to laugh at? You turn and are left with the gaping doorway now, a giant hole. Instead of the familiar you are left with… nothing. You also quickly realize how many of your greatest memories now feel tainted and cause you pain. We trust that person with our secrets and share with them our silliest of memories, so when they leave, they seem to take those with them. Losing someone, who at one time, a very long time, was a constant in your life is difficult. It’s lonely. It’s cold and it’s dark.
Several months back, I found myself trying to cope with such a loss. I found myself crying at odd times and in odd places, my stomach was a mess and I realized, I was in disbelief, I was grieving and I wondered how I could mourn someone who is still alive? The ache of missing someone who is very much alive, or the realization that you must retrain your brain and rid yourself of the memory reflex that tries to constantly direct you to where your loved one once was is real.
Drifting apart and sudden loss are two different things. Drifting apart can happen for many reasons, is gradual and you both kind of get it. But sudden abrupt loss when you're unsure exactly of the “why” stings to your core!! Misunderstandings, miscommunications, regrets or anger over a change in a situation can cause the relationship to come to an abrupt halt. At least when you know why, you can gain understanding, grow from it, deal with it and move on. This often happens in romantic relationships when there’s a break up and whether you agree with it or not, you get it. However, sometimes it cuts even deeper to grieve that person when there’s just big question marks in the way.
I don't want to go into too much detail personally on this as I am a very private person but I know many of you can relate so I thought it was important to tell you that you're not alone. When a relationship is lost, a bit of magic is lost, and the cold and lonely reality of what’s left – and what’s gone – demands acceptance, healing, and grief. Let yourself grieve, Let yourself cry. The ache in your heart and soul is real, is true and is understandable. Please remember this, if you find yourself grieving over the loss of a relationship or friendship that meant the world to you, just like any painful experience, it will get better. You’ll live, you’ll laugh, you’ll still find times where you miss them fiercely, but you’ll make new relationships, new friends, it may strengthen older relationships and you’ll find yourself appreciating the little things even more than you thought you already did.
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